Day 100

This was supposed to come up yesterday but then… stuff

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Hope is no longer just a word but a feeling, a longing for something. A wish upon every star, shooting or no. It’s a weapon that helps fight the sinking feeling you wake up with everyday. The feeling that says this is where it all ends… Hope is not lost, you tell yourself when reality says differently. But hope is all you have so you hold on tight.

Ushered into darkness when all you’rere used to is light. Adjustments and not just of your eyes but of your mind. All the beliefs you’ve  ever had broken down. It’s difficult. Looking forward to another day is all you have left. It’s hard. But tomorrow will come.. Right? It will? Can anybody hear? Can somebody Answer?

No? No answers? No voices? No sounds of helicopters? No rescues?  We are sisters, bound by more than blood but by war. Prisoners,  bearing the brunt of misplaced priorities of power hungry men and of failed promises. We are the sacrifice.. Isaac expect no lamb was offered for our sake. Ours is a sacrifice that cannot be avoided.

Dread sits with you all day.  It’s with you as you sleep to.  And as you pray. Clutch your rosary even harder. Count the beads and say your hail Marys as loud as you can. “Hail Mary full of Grace the Lord is with thee…” but make sure you don’t say it out loud. Make sure it echoes only in your head. You must not utter a word of prayer.

Real life is different from fairy tales. If this was a story things would have been different. Your only issue would be to pray for a merciful writer who will give you a happy ending. Is someone writing this story? God? You ask with every element of faith you can muater; “Please give me a happy ending.”

Every thing you believed is being challenged. It takes faith to hold on and a kind of peace that is not ruffled by storms. Everyone is praying for your return, or so you think. You pray.  

Day 100, still lost. Come and find me. It’s getting harder. Please. Now is the time to fulfill the promises you once made. That you’ll be There?  that you’ll always fight for Me? That I am the future of this Country? Come and save me and I’ll show you that I can be all and more that you dreamed of. I’ll keep that promise but first keep yours.Help me return home.

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Let’s keep praying & hoping. Nigeria needs our prayers, these girls do too.
Love,
Aunty Hotstuff